It seems that loving people around us at this time of year can be especially hard. Traditions must be followed, past hurts erupt once more, and a time when magical energy should be everywhere, we struggle to find love for others. We can get in the way of ourselves by attempting to force people and situations to be something they are not.
Take for instance a newly divorced couple with children. Feelings are raw and tensions can be high. Each parent wants to have the opportunity to make for a perfect holiday and somehow win their child’s favor. This often leads to conflict with the other parent and it can boil down to a battle of the wills. The mantra can be used in various forms to help you through the situation. It can be difficult to say, “I love you,” about a person you’ve just divorced, and yet to bless them and release them gives an opportunity to see things from their perspective. It softens the heart when you can open yourself to the fact that you just might not be in control. It’s a profound practice to help your children deal with a difficult situation that they honestly had no control over.
Another issue we deal with most poignantly during the holidays is the death of a loved one. The mantra can work if you use it in the vain of blessing the situation. But death is a harder issue to work with because it is so final. Recently, I’ve been thinking about all the befores and afters of my life: before my mom died, after my dad’s death, before my brother’s accident and after.
In situations that have finality to them there isn’t a person to put the feelings on to. Here is a very effective exercise that can help. Find a quiet time and place. Bring a notebook or notepad and favorite writing utensil. Make a cup of tea or coffee for yourself and put on your favorite sweater, or throw that wonderful blanker over you, anything to stay warm and create a cozy, safe atmosphere. Make this practice a ritual, light a candle, practice deep breathing for a moment and then set your pen/pencil to the paper and write about your memories of life before the transitional event. Exhaust your memory and put it down on paper. Then take a little break, get a warmer on your drink, look out the window, think about something else for a few minutes. When you’re ready, come back to your cozy spot. Breathe deeply again, and write about what happened after the event. Chances are you will see some light of understanding from your words. Keep writing as long as you want. Write about how you want the world to be now, in light of the absence of a physical being or in light of a change in someone’s physical body.
When you complete the exercise, you have options. Keep the writing and refer to it for guidance in remembering the tender times with that person. Or, create another sort of ritual where you burn the writing and allow the feelings to be released into the cosmos. Then again, you can always share the writing with a friend. Sometimes the very act of reading your writing can heal those spots of great sorrow.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Love those people around you, no matter how difficult the feelings may be. Bless them with the help of a power beyond your own. And, the hardest work of all, release them and know that you are able to do only as much as is humanly possible, and let the energy beyond you do the rest.
My wish for you is for a peaceful and safe holiday season.
Learn more about Tina’s work at tinalneyer.com.